All I Know So Far: Being Authentic in a Judgmental World
As I entered the cemetery on my mom’s birthday to plant her annual purple flowers, I silently asked for guidance from her, or the universe, as I often do. Without hesitation, as if Spotify is the keeper of wisdom, I randomly selected a song from the recent releases and turned up the volume.
I wish someone would have told me that this life is ours to choose
No one's sending you the keys or a book with all the rules
The little that I know I'll tell to you
When they dress you up in lies and you're left naked with the truth
You throw your head back, and you spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are
That's all I know so far
That message came in the form of Pink’s voice as it’s her newest hit “All I know so far”, but damn did it hit the nail on the head.
I pulled over and let myself have a good cry. It had been so, so long since I’ve allowed myself to put the armor down and just sit with some sadness. Why do we still feel like being vulnerable is being weak?
I cried because I miss my mom and dad. I cried because parenting is freaking hard. I cried for the synchronicity, the clarity, and the truth. I cried thinking how obvious it was, yet how hard it is to be authentic in a world that is so judgmental.
The profound message of that song is one I’m sure we all want our children to hear and live by; and that’s to live a life that is true for you. To not allow ourselves to be put into tiny boxes, labeled and told what we should do, how we should look, and how we should live.
Finding myself driving again, my mind wandered and I thought about all the parts of myself that I hold back. The quirks, my spirituality, the passions and beliefs I have of equality and justice.
I thought about my transgender child and all the ways he already conforms and pretends to be someone he’s not out of fear. Fear of hurt, fear of acceptance, fear of the fucked up things people do because they share different views.
I wondered if I was doing enough. Am I advocating enough? Do I tell his teachers, beg for acceptance, and try to change the minds of those in our circle and community so I can protect him?
Then something hit me like a ton of bricks. We can’t change who people are.
We can’t change people.
We can’t change people’s minds or beliefs or suddenly make them kind if that’s not their innate nature.
We can only change ourselves. We can start to do the necessary inner work to welcome more calm, peace and compassion into our lives.
We don’t need to change. We need to heal.
We need to heal ourselves of the conditioned beliefs we have that we are not already perfect as is.
Pink’s lyrics will run true for me today and everyday -
When the storm's out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars
That's all I know so far
If you needed this message like I did as a reminder then I’m glad you ended up here. WE, not just our children, desperately need to be seen and heard as we are. Remember, they can’t tell you to change. You are already perfect.
That’s all I know so far…
P.S. I also know that today is International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia which gave me the courage to share my words. I know I can’t change anyone's mind, but I can share my heart.
With love and gratitude,
Lisa