Sober Curious: A 30 day journey
Day 1:
Today is the day. I’m putting it in on paper, better yet - a public blog - to assist with accountability. In my own head, this endeavor started 4 days earlier. However, without anybody holding me accountable or calling me out, it didn’t feel real. And who would actually know, or care, if I had a drink? Without that accountability it was far too easy to pour myself a glass of wine at the slightest nudge of feeling stressed. Dog peed on the carpet? Ug, I need a glass of wine. Kids are fighting again, I’m counting down the seconds till 5:00 so it feels a little more acceptable. Took work home for the third time this week, you better believe I’m having a nice cold IPA to take the edge off. It’s that easy, and acceptable, to drink in our society. But when is enough, enough? What used to be Friday through Sunday (acceptable in my mind), trickled into Thirsty Thursday, Wine Wednesday, and sometimes it was just a bad day Tuesday. Then I slowly started to feel the effects.
The paragraph above was written in April 2021. I made it 11 days without a drink and then caved. Ashamed to admit to anyone, I clearly never fessed up or posted that blog. Prior to that, my longest period without alcohol (besides 2 pregnancies) was about 7 days. Somehow though, it wasn’t classified as problematic drinking. According to NIAAA, ‘problematic drinking’ for women is no more than 3 drinks on any day. I took that as full permission to pour my nightly wine, just not finish the bottle.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that not only condones, but celebrates alcohol. There are Facebook groups and t-shirts promoting the Mommy Wine Culture encouraging us to unwind, connect, and cope with the challenges of parenting. So we click our incognito mugs reading “Mommy’s sippy cup” and convince ourselves that since we are not alone and it’s not illegal, it’s ok.
A 30 Day Journey
Now let me be super clear. I am only 14 days sober. Well, scratch that. I don’t like the word sober. I definitely don’t like the label alcoholic. I am on day 14 of not choosing alcohol. I’m trying to take my power back. My clarity. My fun. I do want to be super clear that I am not judging anyone, certainly not any Mom, that drinks daily or occasionally. Hell, I am one “he hit me” (in my 8 year old’s whiney voice) away from pouring red wine into a coffee cup at this very moment - I am simply writing this because writing is the only form of therapy that allows me to feel my feelings and find my truth. If it clicks with someone else, well that’s a bonus!
I thought it would be helpful to do occasional check-ins throughout this process. When I started this ‘non-drinking’ thing, it was simply out of vanity. Yup, I’m gonna admit that right up front. There was no greater purpose other than I was pissed that my husband seems to be able to drink 6 IPA’s a night and not gain weight, yet I can smell one and be bloated. I was disgusted when I looked in the mirror after a Friday of overdoing it, once again. Tired of the red-eyed, puffy face that convinced herself a ‘hair of the dog’ on a Saturday morning would make it all better. I guess I was just tired of myself and my excuses.
30 days seemed obtainable. A light at the end of the tunnel. Then, as the magical universe would have it - one of the inspirational yogi’s I follow on Instagram posted a video that landed hard. She asked if anyone else was struggling with alcohol in the yoga community. It seemed kinda like an elephant in the room. I am in the wellness space. A growing little community of like minded people where I share inspirational posts on loving yourself, holistic healing, and healthy things. Yet behind those filtered photos, I secretly dislike my body, my addictive habits, and my flaws. And also, I am human and I am learning, so I am choosing to share that, too.
So emerged a “Sober Curious” group of women. No pressure. No judgment. A little accountability and a lot of shared experiences.
I’m in it. I’m eager to see what will happen. How I will feel. What will heal. What will surface when I stop numbing. Maybe I’ll stay here a while. Maybe I’ll make it to my 30 days and celebrate. Maybe I’ll continue as a non-drinker and love life more than ever. Here’s a crazy thought, maybe I’ll even learn how to drink in moderation at the age of 38.
Whatever happens I will just be. And I appreciate any and all support. If this resonates at all, please feel free to comment with any advice, tips, or your favorite mocktail recipe. 🍹
Staying on Track
So far, here are some things that are helping me stay on track:
Reading “Quit Like a Woman” by Holly Whitaker
Wellbeing Non-Alcoholic Brew (Intentional IPA)
Continuing with morning meditations and remembering my “why”
Kombucha in a wine glass
Actually telling people I am not drinking (#accountability)
Letting my kids know because they will call me out!
CBD oil for stress relief - Currently supporting local @ Namaste CBD
Consistent workouts
I know the importance of celebrating the small victories, so I’ll raise my Orange seltzer to 14 days, and “Cheers” to many more!