How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
Have you ever watched a two year old and been amazed by their confidence? The way they incessantly fall down, brush it off and get right back up running full speed ahead like nothing happened? They don’t think for even a fraction of a second, “I’m just not good at running, I think I’ll stop doing it.”
At some point as we age; society, our parents, teachers and others in our circle of influence start to mold our thoughts and beliefs on how we ‘should’ show up in the world. Perhaps this is how we dress, talk to others, or certain beliefs we hold.
Of course we rely on our elders to show us the way, sort of speak, but these imposed rules for living may have developed into beliefs that are now holding you back in some areas of life that you may not even be aware of.
Curious if you have some limiting beliefs of your own? Let’s dive in!
What is a limiting belief?
Have you ever said out loud, “I’m terrible with money” or “I’m so uncoordinated, I could never be an athlete”? These are examples of limiting beliefs. A thought that you have had on repeat that (falsely) defines you.
A limiting belief is a state of mind, opinion, or belief that you think to be true that is limiting in some way.
Limiting beliefs can keep you stuck. They can make you think that you are not worthy or good enough. These beliefs can be general or specific. They are sneaky little statements that can keep you from doing big, important things like applying for your dream job or asking that hottie from the coffee shop out on a date. They can also keep you from doing little, seemingly unimportant things like taking a different route to work or trying a new style shirt.
Some examples:
“I’m not ___________ enough” (Insert pretty, skinny, tall, smart)
“I’m going to fail anyway, so why bother trying”
“I’m not good at making money”
“No one ever takes me seriously”
“I’m not a good person”
“I don’t deserve to be ……..”
“I don’t have enough ___________” (Insert time, money, skill, experience, support)
False, or limiting beliefs about ourselves hold us back. But, beliefs are NOT facts.
Lemme give that one to you again. Our beliefs are not facts.
Where do they come from?
Most of our beliefs stem from childhood, the majority being before we are about 7 years old. Now this is 100% not to place blame on our parents, just to acknowledge that children's brains at this age are not fully developed and are still trying to discern what is real and what is not. I’ll give you a quick example of a limiting belief from an excerpt in my book Fear Less.
When I was around 8 years old, I witnessed my parents fighting in the kitchen. My dad angrily announced that he was leaving and I decided in that moment that I would throw myself at his feet and beg him to stay. He ended up slamming the door in my face and leaving. He later came home so drunk that he fell down the stars and wet his pants. He endangered himself and others by driving drunk. My brain internalized this as speaking up = conflict. Speaking up didn’t get him to stay. My limiting belief became the thought on repeat of “my voice doesn’t matter” and “speaking up equals conflict”.
Now as an adult, this seems a bit extreme. But I had this thought so often that it became a belief. It ruined relationships for me. I chronically thought that my voice didn’t matter. I hated conflict of any kind and I sabotaged myself in so many areas because of this engrained, yet false, belief.
“We learn our belief systems as very little children, and then we move through life creating experiences to match our beliefs. Look back in your own life and notice how often you have gone through the same experience.”
How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs
The first step in overcoming a limiting belief is to bring awareness to it.
Step 1: Identify the Belief
Start by writing down your general beliefs. Remember, a belief is simply a practiced thought. These can be anything from beliefs about yourself, your abilities, rights, the world, and many other topics.
Look at some areas in your life that feel stressful right now, but you’re not actively trying to fix. For example, are you in good health and fuel your body properly? Are you happy with your career and your finances? Do you have healthy relationships? Do you have a healthy balance of work and leisure time?
If there is an area that feels uncomfortable, this could be a starting point for a limiting belief. If you felt a little discomfort around relationships, dig deep into the negative self talk that you do. Then think about the feeling under the thought. So if you’re thinking “I can’t date until I lose weight” or “Guys only want to date skinny women” - get to the feeling.. Anxiety feels like “people think I’m not skinny and don’t see me for who I am”, anger feels like “It’s because of my genetics that I’m fat”, hopelessness feels like “I’ll just never be skinny, it’s too hard.”
Now.. write it all down.
Step 2: Acknowledge these are beliefs, not FACTS
Are you serious about reaching your goals and desires? Oh good! Repeat it over and over again.
Ask yourself some questions. What clear evidence do I have to support this thought?
Am I making excuses around this area? Have other people had a different outcome? Another question to consider about a limiting belief is what other people would think if you told them about your belief. Imagine telling your best friend or coworker that it’s too expensive to eat healthy. You might be countered with someone who was successful with a food plan, setting a budget or kicking a bad habit to free up money to purchase organic.
Look at people who have done what you desire before you, and see what specific steps they took. Answering questions like these will give you more clarity and perspective to move on. Remember, you are not your thoughts.
Step 3: Write a new story
Here’s the fun part. Take your negative, false, limiting belief and write down the opposite in the form of an affirmation.
Examples:
Money
Limiting belief: “I don’t make enough money.”
Affirmation: “I am abundant in money. It flows to me with ease.”
Relationships
Limiting belief: “All the good guys are taken.”
Affirmation: “I attract loving and caring people into my life.”
Self love
Limiting belief: “I hate my body and the extra weight I carry.”
Affirmation: “I am at peace with my body and am amazed by what it does for me.”
Step 4: Choose a different action
This is the magic sauce. Act as if. Begin to act as if your new belief is true.
How would you act if you were a money magnet, radiating love and positivity out into the world? If you are the kind of person that eats healthy and exercises, what foods do you put in your grocery cart? What kinds of fitness routines do you follow?
Taking action, even little baby steps, will help make your new routine stick. If it feels forced at first, fake it till you make it! Acknowledge yourself for this new accomplishment and wait for your life to change.
Need a little guidance to make it all stick? I’ve got you! Download this FREE Limiting Beliefs worksheet.
