Healing… Your own way

"Grief is love with no where to go."

This phrase entered my mind as I increased the resistance on my spin bike, sweat dripping, mind wanting to quit.

Today is my Dad's birthday, and although he passed away ten years ago, it hurts every year just the same. I thought about how I should be at the cemetery, or Uncles funeral which also happens to be today - but instead showed up to spin class...

A lump formed in my throat and I suddenly felt like I was going to cry. "No, not now." I told myself. "Push through, you're stronger than this" My thoughts swirled and raced in my head. Are you seriously thinking about your Dad in a spin class? Are you really going to cry here and now?

Yes, here and now. Because grief doesn't come with warning.

Although I’m not at the cemetery, church, or surrounded by family- today on my spin bike I processed, honored, prayed, and grieved a little. I'm not entirely sure if it was sweat or tears pouring out of me, but I allowed it to flow.

Healing looks radically different for everybody. When I'm on that bike or pushing myself in a workout I think about things. I think about my Dad. I think about my sister in law who has a brain tumor. I reflect on relationships, and problem solve things. I push, I breathe, I sweat, and apparently I grieve.

Today my day started with anxiety and sadness. When that class ended I felt immense gratitude - for my life, for my health, and for the fact that I chose to honor what my body needed without judgment. The thought came to me again.. Grief is love with no where to go. In putting myself first this morning, I filled my own cup. Since my cup is full, I can now pour that love into others.

Today I practiced what I preach. I gave my grief an outlet and that class became my church. I put aside what was expected of me, and I honored what my body needed from me. Today it was movement, tomorrow it might be rest.

My long winded point is - you do you. Healing has no rules and looks different for everyone.

I love you 💜