37 Things I Learned in 37 Years
Earlier this year I turned 37 and for some reason it got me doing a lot of reflecting. I’m not sad at all, actually I feel pretty darn great about it. I’ve been through enough in life to have some hefty realizations, but I haven’t yet hit 40 so I’m not crying and my kids kind of still think I’m cool to hang out with. That’s something to celebrate, isn’t it?
SO here it is, I put together a list of 37 lessons I’ve learned so far. Believe me, I know 37 isn’t the guru of ages. But I don’t want to wait until I’m 80 years old to share some of these lessons. Heck, by then I may not remember them. 40 lessons sounds cooler, but again, why wait? I feel compelled to share now. Here they are, in no particular order:
37 LIFE LESSONS
1. Stop blaming your parents.
They probably did the best they could with what they had and what they knew. This lesson came as a slap in the face as I still had some resentment/sadness towards my relationship with my father after he passed away. He wasn’t warm and fuzzy. He didn’t say sorry and he carried some pretty big judgments. But he grew up during the depression, he fought in a horrific war, was a functioning alcoholic and had tough love parents. He modeled better than what he had and that’s the best he could do.
2. Your heart literally gets bigger with every child.
I was terrified that after I experienced an explosion of love for my first son that I wouldn’t be able to love a second one nearly as much. But you do! It’s amazing. The heart has an unlimited capacity of love to give away - so give it away! Want to know why we love our children so much? It’s because of course we made them- but it’s also because we love them unconditionally without expectations in return. It's a beautiful thing.
3. You will never grow if you don’t try.
I have failed so many times in all kinds of scenarios. But, I have also done some pretty epic things also. Either way, I wouldn’t have known I was capable if I never tried. Do the scary things and you will not regret them. Even if you fail, there is a lesson to learn.
4. If you have naturally curly hair, you should not live down south.
Everyday will be a bad hair day. If you must live down there, buy hats, lots of good products and embrace the curl. You will never successfully get it straight in that unnecessary humidity.
5. Being busy does not mean being productive.
This took me far too long to figure out. Being busy and productive are 2 totally different things. Master your to-do list and try to do the hardest task first.
6. Good Friends Make everything better.
Seriously, everything's better when you experience it with a good friend. Every single memory I have that is laugh out loud, pee myself funny, is with one of my best friends by my side. I have been fortunate to find a tribe of women, most of which I have known since middle or high school, that always have my back. They are uplifting, encouraging and loyal. Good friends make life better.
7. Invest in yourself.
This should probably be #1. You are 100% the most important thing you should invest money in. Not spend money on, but invest in yourself - like taking courses, reading books, keeping up with health and wellness… Investing in yourself will increase your overall confidence, expertise and quality of life.
8. Stand up for yourself.
I don’t think I got good at this until I had kids, but I wish I could time warp back to middle school and instill this circa 1994. Standing up for yourself gives you a voice and strengthens character. If it doesn’t come natural to you, start by taking a stance on something you are passionate about, like being a vegan or women's rights. Be authentic, take small steps and remember that it will take practice.
9. Being alone can be amazing.
Introverts are cool humans, too. I always thought I was an extrovert, but as I get older, I realize how much I value and look forward to alone time. I need it to recharge. Hmmm.. actually, maybe as I’m writing this I’m just really talking about needing a break from my kids. Regardless, being alone can spark creativity and help you get to know yourself.
10. Leave the map at home.
Some of the best adventures come from unplanned trips. I traveled cross country with a friend without a map. Pre-GPS! We got lost, a lot. BUT, we stumbled upon places we never knew existed, met incredibly interesting people and learned a ton about the US and each other. Sometimes you have to get out there without plans and explore.
11. Relationships need to be nurtured.
A seed can’t grow if it is not watered regularly. AKA, don’t take your partner, friends or family members for granted. Reach out, be present, be curious about what they are up to, and be grateful for the relationships in your life.
12. Failure is part of life, learn from it.
What if we took the perspective “life is happening for me” instead of “life is happening to me”? Then the failures and the heartaches would start to make sense. In all of these perceived negative situations, there is a lesson to learn. You fall, you get back up, you learn and you grow.
13. Save your pennies.
This one isn’t life changing, but I learned it from my dad. He never spent a penny. Literally, he would always put the pennies aside and count them at the end of the year. Also, by training your mind to put money away you are building healthy habits around your finances.
14. Learn to say no without feeling guilty.
#still trying. I am one of those people that hates letting someone down. I used to say yes all the time even if I REALLY didn’t want to do something and then I would feel frustrated with myself for giving up my time. Learning to say no means being assertive and not feeling bad about it. Some tips that helped me were having a phrase, like “I’d love to but I can’t” or buying some time by saying “I’ll check my calendar and get back to you”.
15. Be present.
Try not to dwell on the past or stress about the future. Happiness comes by enjoying the process and the present moment. Breathe. Pay attention. Appreciate. Repeat.
16. We give our lives meaning.
The beautiful thing about our life is that we get to decide what is important to us. We give our lives meaning by finding something that we are passionate about. For many people, their passion turns into their purpose. And your purpose can be big or small, but it’s unique to you and that is special.
17. Have the difficult conversations.
I am an avoider by nature. I hate conflict and I am a recovering feeling stuffer. BUT, I learned that this gets me nowhere. Whether it’s about finances or fears, speak up when it’s important to you. “When we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short term discomfort for long term dysfunction” - Peter Bromberg
18. The little things are the big things.
This is one of my marriage mission statements. Yes, I’m that corny and have one of those. It’s not the grand gestures, the fancy vacations or the roses for an anniversary. It’s about giving compliments unexpectedly, doing small acts of kindness just because and giving forehead kisses without asking. Little things make love last.
19. Exercise every day.
Stop with the excuses. Can you physically move in some capacity? Aim to move your body for at least 30 minutes a day. It’s good for your body, mind and spirit and so important for your overall well being.
20. Someday, tomorrow won’t come for your parents.
Tell your parents you love them while they are here. Ask them questions about their childhood. Listen. Find out about your ancestry through their stories. When they are gone, they are gone forever. I would give anything for one more day with both of my parents.
21. Let go of the people that don’t bring you joy.
It’s OK to outgrow people. You will evolve and so will your relationships. In every stage of your life you may have people that you have things in common with, sometimes these things change. If your core circle of people are not inspiring you, or better yet, bringing you down, then they shouldn’t be your people.
22. Don’t assume.
You know the saying - when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. Assuming sometimes happens when you don’t have the courage to ask questions. Don't assume that your strong friend is OK, reach out to her. Don’t assume that your partner knows your feelings are hurt, tell them.
23. You are worthy.
No matter what, you are worthy. You are enough. You are brave. You are capable.
24. Real feelings and vulnerability make for amazing relationships.
It’s OK to be vulnerable. Read any book by Brene Brown to let this sink in. Being vulnerable is NOT a sign of weakness, rather it shows incredible strength. Keeping your guard up in relationships can cause you to miss authentic connection. Being vulnerable is being seen for who you are and being accepted as is - and this makes for better relationships.
25. Quality time over quantity time is way better.
Do you have those friends or co-workers that you see all the time but don’t really know a thing about them? How about that one friend that you only see once a year but without hesitation, you guys pick up right where you left off and you feel a million times better after a long visit with them? That’s quality time over quantity time. Those people are put in your life for a reason and it’s magical being with them. Cherish that.
26. Other people’s opinions really don’t matter.
For far too long I relied on the opinions of others. I would agonize over decisions polling people that didn’t truly know me or my desires and ask them what path I should choose. All this caused was too many distractions and too many opposing opinions. Only YOU know what is best for you. Trust that feeling.
27. Success is not linear.
For someone who did really great in school, I did not get to my destination easily. There were college drop out years, boat loads of student loans and a whole lot of comparisons of my friends that did it quicker. The quickest route is not always the best or most successful, and comparison is the thief of joy. You’re on the right track!
28. Beneath anger there is always fear.
It’s been said that hurt people, hurt people. Typically when someone is being mean, it is coming from a place of fear. Maybe it’s triggering an insecurity that they have. Anger is like a mask, a way of covering up fear or jealousy when you haven't processed the real feeling. Whether it’s yourself or someone else experiencing anger, be gentle and try to meet them with kindness.
29. Form healthy habits.
Consistency is key to success in SO many areas of your life. The boring things are magical and can be transformative. Just like brushing your teeth every day is an essential hygiene task, prepping your meals in advance or scheduling work out times can help you stick to your goals. The more you do the boring tasks, the more routine they come. When something is routine, it sticks. Sticking habits make a healthier life easier!
30. Try to think PROactive instead of REactive.
I try to stay in the mindset of living in a proactive way, like eating healthy to prevent disease or inflammation instead of waiting to get sick then treat it with medicine. Being proactive can also look like finding ways to improve your life or work without being told what to do. Proactive people generally do better with change and are more focused.
31. Listen to your intuition.
You know that “gut” feeling you get as your first instinct? That’s your intuition. And it is rooted to your soul and it wants what’s best for you. Your mind is a voice that tells you all kinds of things and chatter, but your intuition is a sense and it shows up more as a feeling. If you are not skilled at listening, start by just asking a question out loud and sitting in silence. Is your initial response light and happy, or heavy and negative? That’s probably your intuition ‘talking’. Practice this and it will get stronger.
32. Anger and resentment is so heavy.
It’s not healthy and really never resolves anything. For a decade, I carried a hatred so heavy that every time I heard this woman's name, my body had a physical reaction and I felt sick to my stomach. I did regrettable things and felt physically violent towards her. One day, I decided it wasn’t healthy and I literally let that shit go. I decided it wasn’t worth it and that those feelings had power over me. I forgave her. I worked hard at it, but I let it go. And I feel free. Anger blocks your flow and limits happiness. Forgive and let go.
33. You can learn anything if you put your mind to it.
I spent a lot of time second guessing myself and feeling like I wasn’t qualified to do anything other than what I went to school for - and even then when I had the degree and certifications, I still second guessed myself. But now more than ever, the internet has given us the power to literally learn anything that we want to learn. Stay focused, listen to your intuition and at any point you can change your life and learn new things.
34. Dogs can make life better.
Puppy love is so amazing and unconditional. They are hard work and require lots and lots of time and attention, but they are always happy to see you and will always be free for a cuddle. Taking a 5 minute ‘time out’ with an animal can change your attitude and lift your spirits. If only my kids and husband greeted me with the same excitement!
35. You can learn a lot about yourself through meditation.
Truth. You can learn a scary amount about yourself when you sit in silence and actually listen. If you are ever facing a decision where you don’t know how to choose or what to do, try meditating and listening to your gut instinct. Once I got better at shutting off my thoughts, I learned I had a lot of creative ideas sitting inside. I also got better about managing my stress and anxiety through sitting in silence and listening to what my body needed.
36. What makes you weird is your superpower.
That thing that makes you different, is your strength. If the world was made up of cookie cutter people who all had the same interests and strengths, how boring would that be? When you start to see your differences with a positive light and fully accept yourself, your vibration changes and people are attracted to you.
37. Don’t be afraid to dream BIG.
Dream big, audacious, lofty goals. Write them down. Believe that you can achieve them. Make a plan. I used to hide my goals and secretly think that I wasn’t capable of making them happen. Until one by one I started checking them off my list. I learned how to take action. It's not the most talented people that win, it's the most tenacious.
I can’t wait to see what the next 37 years bring. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is to say please and thank you. Thank you for reading and being here on this journey with me. I appreciate you!
