A Letter To My Uterus
Although this blog is primarily for my business and holistic health, I also wanted to share what is going on in my personal life as the decision to have this surgery was a difficult one. I wanted so deeply to heal myself - that's what I teach and believe in. I wanted to avoid sugar, remove toxins, Reiki myself, and spontaneously heal. I had thoughts that I wasn't trying hard enough or that this procedure was unnecessary.
This past month I have gone through every human emotion about having a hysterectomy, but today I feel acceptance and appreciation and there are a few things that I would like to say to my uterus before we part ways.
First, of course, a sincere thank you for allowing me to carry and birth 2 beautiful, healthy baby boys. I appreciate how you nurtured their home, supplied constant blood flow and allowed each of them to grow to an uncomfortable 8 pounds each. Thank you to my cervix that kept them safely tucked in and wouldn’t give out until they were a fully developed 40 weeks. Seriously, a job tremendously well done.
Thank you for giving me the gift of becoming a mother. William and Gavin are my proudest accomplishments. There is no greater joy that I have experienced in this life, and for that I am forever grateful.
Though you have given me the greatest gift, you have stirred up a whirlwind of emotions and are housing some cancerous cells that are fighting against me. I'm not happy about that and now it’s time for you to go. Actually, I’m quite sorry about the eviction since it’s not really your fault - it’s all the cervix and that asshole has had it out for my family for 3 generations now. You’re like the accomplice that is guilty by association. So it’s farewell to my cervix, uterus and fallopian tubes - my ovaries will get a free pass since I’m young enough to not want to go through Menopause just yet.
This mess started when my Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer when she was only 49 years old. I do believe that there were prior symptoms, but we women have high pain tolerances and tend to put off our own health needs until it’s too late. Because the cancer was so advanced when it was finally diagnosed, a hysterectomy was not an option. The cancer cells had already spread to surrounding tissues and the only chance was to trial a radiation implant. A chemical so strong that I wasn't even able to be in the same room with her for a week. What this drug did to her body led us all to wonder if it was the radioactive chemical or the cancer that ultimately took her life. In any event, it was ineffective and she passed away 6 months later leaving her husband and 3 children forever changed. I miss her every single day.
This is relevant to me saying goodbye to my feminine parts because with my beautiful mother’s history, I had to be checked annually starting at a young age to see if I was also a target for cancer. Sure enough, when I was 21 years old, I had some pre-cancerous cells show up on my Pap Smear. I was able to have a LEEP procedure where an electrical wire loop removed the cells, but allowed me to keep my cervix and carry my children years later.
Here we are again 15 years later and those pesky cancerous cells are back in the same area. This time, the LEEP is not an option as it would leave the cervical lining too thin and the risk is high that if left alone, the cancer would quickly spread to the surrounding tissues. This is the approach that I typically take in life…
“Please don’t mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance or my kindness for weakness”
This time, cancerous cervix cells you have tested my patience and I will not be silent, calm or kind. You’re out. You may have taken down my grandmother and mother, but I’m here to break the pattern. I have a life to fulfill, children to raise and places to go.
So, peace out lady parts, and by the way, I’m really looking forward to not having periods anymore. Here’s to early detection, a speedy recovery and living the rest of my life.
All the best,
Lisa
