Self Care, Self Love and How to Make ‘You’ a Priority
With Valentine's Day quickly approaching, it seemed fitting to write about love this month. Not the type of relationship love that you may be expecting, I wanted to write about the most important relationship you have. The one with yourself.
Self Love
Take a moment to reflect. How is your relationship with yourself? Are you good at accepting compliments? Can you extend the same kindness and support to yourself that you would a good friend? Would you judge others the way your judge yourself by what you see in the mirror or the number on the scale? Do you make yourself a priority?
As I write this, I’m sitting in my car with my laptop while my son is in gymnastics class. My mind is swirling with all of the things I have to do today. Things that top the list are buying a gift for the birthday party I forgot about, catching up on laundry and grocery shopping, get an oil change (because let’s be real, I’m about 4,000 miles over), mail a thank you card that’s already 2 weeks late and a million other little things that I didn’t have time to get to during the work week. All of these while trying to give competing attention to my 2 boys, who are currently aggravated that they have asked me to play Legos a million times but I have declined because I’m washing dishes, walking the dogs or picking up all the things off the floor. Seriously, WHY is there so much shit on the floor? Did a tornado sweep through my house while I was at work? Nope. Just boys and dogs.
But I digress. Now don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for all of these tiny problems. My messy house indicates we have more than we need, toys on the floor means my kids are playing and using their imaginations, and dishes in the sink denotes we ate together as a family. I am truly blessed. But... I also get overwhelmed. What mom doesn’t at some point, right?
Photo cred: The Pretty Sweet Life
Honest truth. Sometimes I pretend I’m going to the bathroom but I am really taking a 3 minute timeout and mindlessly looking at my phone. Sometimes I leave the kids at their after school program way longer than necessary so I can sit in silence or clean my bedroom without being asked 67 questions in a 2 minutes time frame. More honesty - when someone asks me what I want for Mother's Day, my gut instinct is “to be left alone”. I want to read a book in a bubble bath with a glass of wine. Then I want to watch Netflix and maybe go for a facial. But I feel like a monster for thinking this because I love my family more than anything and it feels so wrong to say. So my out loud response is, “ I just want a homemade card from my kids”, and I inevitably get a gift card for a pedicure that I will never make time for.
So why am I sharing my chaotic mindset? Because I’m hosting a website on holistic health and wellness and it’s imperative that I practice what I preach! Part of self care is knowing when you need to take a moment for yourself. By now we know that you can’t give from an empty cup.
What is Self Care?
Self care is any activity that we intentionally do in order to take care of our emotional, physical or mental health. It seems obvious that we should take care of ourselves first before we are fully capable of taking care of others, however in a life where we are pressed to do more and it feels like there are not enough hours in the day - it’s so easy to neglect our basic needs and push the limits. We are not putting our own oxygen masks on first and it results in anxiety and burnout.
Self care is key to a balanced life. Self care is not an indulgence and we shouldn’t feel bad about it. It’s necessary and we should be disciplined about it.
So why do we feel like we don’t deserve to take care of ourselves? We live in a society that makes us feel bad for these ‘luxuries’. Especially if you are a mom, your day probably consists of ring leading the morning circus, going to work, taking care of the house chores, cooking dinner, carting the kids to various extra-curricular activities, making sure homework is done and kids are showered, and somehow fitting in 6-8 hours of sleep. And don’t forget about making your significant other feel supported and loved. No wonder we don’t have time for ourselves!
Self care means different things to different people, but some basic areas with examples are:
Physical Self Care
Scheduling time for exercise (something you LIKE to do), stretching, eating more fruits and veggies, going for a walk.
Emotional Self Care
Checking in with yourself to see where your tank is. Becoming more mindful of triggers and knowing when to take a break.
Ideas: meditation, journaling, creative outlets like cooking, coloring, writing
Spiritual Self Care
This doesn’t necessarily have to relate to religion but it certainly can. Taking time to pray, ask for guidance, meditate or spend time in nature. If these don’t resonate, consider donating to your favorite charity. Doing for others makes you feel good!
Intellectual Self Care
Doing something that you enjoy that nourishes and challenges your mind. Maybe listening to your favorite podcast, taking time to learn a new language or develop a new skill.
Social Self Care
Even if you consider yourself an introvert, being social is good for the soul. This looks like finding time to spend with a loved one, reconnecting with an old friend or getting to know someone at the office that you don’t usually talk to.
Sensory Self Care
An often neglected area, sensory self care brings us to the present moment. Burning your favorite candle, listening to music, walking barefoot in the grass.
I love this image of other types of self care from blessingmanifesting.com for more ideas.
Of course, these are just some ideas of what incorporating self care may look like to you. Other things to consider are getting up earlier than usual so you can have quiet time and read or prioritize the day, staying on top of medical care appointments, rewarding yourself when you reach a goal, saying no to people, things or agendas that your gut doesn’t say “hell yes” to and/or turning of the TV early and getting adequate sleep.
Self care can actually be boring and routine, but there is so much value in this! It takes discipline to do things that are good for us instead of indulging in things that feel good in the moment and bring us instant gratification. Things like binge watching TV shows or mindless scrolling on social media are energy suckers and traps for neglecting self care.
When we take care of ourselves, we actually have more energy, more reserve in the tank and more drive to take care of others in our home, work and community.
Make a commitment to yourself to stay healthy, find balance and make yourself a priority. Not just on Valentines Day, but every day because you deserve it.
“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.” ― C. JoyBell
Here’s full permission to treat yo’ self!
