Six Commandments of Authentic Living
“Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?”
Wow. That quote by Charles Bukowski can hit kind of deep, right? Especially if you’re anything like a lot of the women I work with who come to the realization that, for as long as they can remember, they’ve been identified or labeled as being someone for someone else. We carry these labels—so many labels. I’m a wife, I’m a mom, I’m a nurse, I’m a daughter. And with those labels come all these hats we wear every day.
But, beneath all those labels and hats, there’s a real you—a unique, vibrant person with their own dreams, passions, and values. When was the last time you felt truly connected to that version of yourself? Or have you, like so many of us, lost sight of who you are in the noise and expectations of the world?
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Understanding Authenticity
First of all, you might be wondering what does it even mean to live authentically? Living authentically means embracing who you truly are at your core, without pretense, and without trying to conform to societal expectations or the desires of others. It's about being true to yourself, your values, your passions, and your unique essence. When you live authentically, you honor your truth, your unique journey, and your individuality.
In a world where we are taught to just fit in and belong - this can can feel risky. We are in a screen obsessed world where everything is curated, filtered - and most important documented. WE’re trying to fit in, be liked, and it’s like we morph right back to those awkward middle school years where all we desperately want, more than anything else in the world - is to be accepted.
Believe me, I am witnessing this right now with my 13 year old. The need to fit in, to be liked, to have the cool things. It can feel like social suicide to be different.
And it can feel rebellious to take our guard down. To say what we actually feel versus what we think other people want to hear. It’s showing up as your whole self and not just the shiny parts that you feel okay with sharing.
I’d like you to consider what authenticity means to you. Are you living up to the expectations of others, trying to be what they want you to be? Are you staying at a job that doesn’t align with your true gifts? Or perhaps even following the rules of a religion that doesn’t fit your core beliefs?
Why is living authentically important?
Living authentically is the true path to happiness because it aligns our external life with our internal values and desires. When we live in-authentically, or out of alignment, we often feel disconnected, dissatisfied, and even lost. We know and can feel when something is off, right? You get that low grade anxiety, that voice in your head. You know these nudges.
Now that we've laid the groundwork, it's time to dive into some actionable steps to help you live a more authentic life. Here are your six commandments of living authentically.
6 Commandments of Authentic Living
#1 KNOW THYSELF
The first and most crucial step in living an authentic life is really getting to know yourself. I’m talking about understanding your core values, what truly matters to you, and what makes you feel most alive. Knowing yourself is like having a roadmap for your life. It helps you navigate your choices, align your actions with your true desires, and ultimately live a life that feels genuine and fulfilling.
Let me give you an example. Think about a time when you felt completely in sync with who you are—maybe you were doing something you love, spending time with people who lift you up, or simply having a quiet moment where everything just felt right. Those moments are golden because they reflect your true self.
Now, I want you to reflect on these questions:
What are your core values, and how do they guide your decisions? Think about what’s most important to you—honesty, compassion, creativity, freedom. Your values are like your internal compass, helping you stay true to yourself even when life gets challenging.
When do you feel most like yourself? Describe those moments. These are the times when you’re not putting on a mask, not trying to please anyone else, just being you. It might be when you’re lost in a hobby, connecting with a loved one, or even enjoying some peaceful solitude.
What passions or activities light you up and make you feel alive? Think about what excites you, what you can’t wait to do. These are clues to your authentic self, pointing you towards what you should pursue more in your life.
Knowing yourself means tuning into these aspects of your life and understanding them deeply. It’s about recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, acknowledging your dreams and fears, and embracing the whole, imperfectly perfect you.
When you know yourself, you make choices that resonate with your true self, rather than conforming to external expectations. This leads to a more fulfilling and authentic life because you’re living in alignment with who you truly are.
#2 THY MUST NOT HAVE REGRETS
Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who worked in palliative care, spent her days caring for and counseling dying people in their final moments. The regret and frustration she witnessed from her patients inspired her to write a blog, which later became the best-selling book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.
The biggest regret she heard from her patients was, "I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." In other words, they wished they had dared to be more authentic.
We are promised only one magical life and are not guaranteed tomorrow. Do you know what kind of miracle it is that you are here right now? To illustrate just how precious your life is, Mel Robbins pointed out in a recent TED Talk that the probability of being born with your characteristics is about one in four hundred trillion! Yes, you read that correctly. The chances of your parents meeting, your ancestors' history, and the egg and sperm colliding are all a miracle. Are you living your life like one?
How would you start living if you had only four months to live? Would you still be bending over backward to meet others' demands, forcing yourself to fit into crowds that you don’t want to be in, or stuck in a career you didn’t choose? Or would you say, “I’m a freaking miracle—my purpose is not to hide or conform but to experience MY authentic life” and inspire others to do the same?
The other regrets of dying people, in order, are:
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Yikes. That can stop you in your tracks, huh? Please take a moment to reflect before we move on. How many of these can you relate to right now? How often do you prioritize work over family time? Bite your tongue when you have something important to say? Push off dates with friends because life gets in the way? Convince yourself, “I’ll be happy when… I accomplish x, y, or z?” Be honest. How many hours are you wasting trying to please others or gain approval when all that seems to matter in the end are these five things?
We have a finite amount of time here on this earth. Let go of regrets and start living authentically now.
#3 THY MUST SAY HELL NO
Does the thought of saying no to someone make you uneasy? Do you find yourself constantly saying yes because you don’t want to let anyone down, only to end up letting yourself down instead? If so, you’re definitely not alone. Many of us (especially us people pleasers!) struggle with setting boundaries, but it’s a crucial step in living an authentic life.
One of my favorite tips is, “If it’s not a hell yes, then make it a hell no.” This simple phrase has been a game-changer for me and so many others. It’s about recognizing that your time, energy, and well-being are valuable and should be protected.
Setting boundaries isn’t about being selfish or unkind; it’s about honoring your own needs and values. When you constantly say yes to things that don’t align with your true self, you end up feeling drained, resentful, and disconnected from what really matters to you.
Here’s how you can start setting boundaries and embracing the power of no:
Identify Your Priorities: What are the most important things in your life right now? Your family, your health, your passion projects? When you’re clear on your priorities, it becomes easier to say no to things that don’t support them.
Listen to Your Gut: Pay attention to your initial reaction when someone asks you to do something. If your gut says no but your mouth says yes, it’s time to reevaluate. Trust that inner voice.
Practice Saying No: Start small. Say no to something minor and see how it feels. Gradually, you’ll build the confidence to say no to bigger requests. Remember, “no” is a complete sentence. You don’t always need to provide an explanation.
Communicate Clearly: When you do say no, be clear and concise. You don’t need to over-explain or apologize excessively. A simple, “I’m sorry, I can’t commit to that right now” is often enough.
Respect Yourself: Setting boundaries is a form of self-respect. It shows that you value your own needs and are willing to protect them. Over time, others will come to respect your boundaries too.
Imagine how much more authentic and fulfilling your life would be if you only said yes to the things that truly light you up. By setting boundaries and saying no to what doesn’t serve you, you’re creating space for the things that genuinely matter.
So, next time you’re faced with a request or obligation, ask yourself: Is this a hell yes? If not, give yourself permission to make it a hell no. Your authentic self will thank you for it.
#4 TRUST THY INNER GUIDANCE
Did you know that you have a built-in GPS in your body? You sure do, and it’s called your intuition.
Your intuition is a powerful tool that can help you navigate your path and make decisions that resonate with your authentic self. Trusting your inner guidance means listening to that quiet, inner voice that always seems to know what’s best for you, even when it doesn’t always make logical sense.
But how do you build trust in your intuition, and why is it so important for living an authentic life?
First, let’s talk about what intuition is. It’s that gut feeling, that sense of knowing that doesn’t come from rational thinking but from a deeper place within you. It’s like an internal compass, always pointing you in the direction that’s most aligned with who you truly are.
I know you’re thinking, but Lisa how do I listen to it? How do I know if it’s intuition or fear? No worries, I got you on this and I teach people all the time how to strengthen this muscle.
First thing - you need to
Quiet the Noise: In our busy, noisy lives, it can be hard to hear our intuition. Take time each day to get quiet, whether through meditation, a walk in nature, or just sitting in silence. This creates the space for your inner voice to come through. Without space, you can’t hear your intuition. I try to meditate for at least 5-10 minutes every day and walk my dogs every evening without listening to anything so I can have space to reflect, etc. If I jumped right from kids in the moring, to work, to netflix, to sleep, I wouldn’t have any opportunities to listen.
Pay Attention to Feelings: Notice how you feel when making decisions. Does a choice make you feel expansive and excited, or does it make you feel contracted and uneasy? Your body often knows the answer before your mind does.
Stay Open and Curious: Trusting your intuition doesn’t mean you’ll never make mistakes. It’s about staying open to learning and being curious about where your inner guidance takes you. Sometimes, what feels like a misstep is actually guiding you to a greater lesson or opportunity.
When you trust your inner guidance, you’re more likely to make decisions that align with your true self, rather than what others expect of you. This alignment is a key component of living authentically. It means you’re living in accordance with your own values, desires, and truths, not someone else’s.
Imagine living a life where you confidently make decisions that feel right in your bones, where you trust that inner knowing to guide you, even when the path isn’t clear. This is the essence of authenticity—being true to who you are, trusting yourself, and allowing your inner guidance to lead the way.
#5 EMBRACE VULNERABILITY
One of the most common things I hear after someone reads my book Confessions of a People Pleaser is, "You’re so brave." While I truly appreciate that sentiment, I'm really just speaking honestly. It surprised me how many people found that remarkable because I assumed everyone spoke their truth. But the more I shared my struggles and my real, unfiltered life, the more I realized that vulnerability is a rare gem.
Not everyone is comfortable laying bare their challenges and truths. However, the incredible thing I discovered is that when you do, it creates a bridge of connection. Suddenly, you're not just sharing your story; you're inviting others to share theirs.
I started getting these heartfelt emails and messages from readers who said things like, "Thank you for sharing that story about your child. We're going through the exact same thing." Or, "Thanks for being honest about the struggles in your marriage. I feel the same way but never tell anyone."
This is the power of embracing vulnerability. When we let down our guard and speak from our hearts, we give others permission to do the same. It’s like we’re saying, “Hey, it’s okay to be human.” And that’s when real connections happen. It’s in those moments of honesty that we find our tribe, the people who resonate with our story because they see a piece of themselves in it.
So, if you're on this journey to live an authentic life, start with vulnerability. Share your truth, even if it feels a bit scary. Talk about your challenges and your triumphs, your fears and your dreams. Because when you do, you'll find that you’re not alone. You'll find that others are walking the same path and that together, you can support and uplift each other.
Embracing vulnerability isn't about being brave all the time. It's about being real. It's about showing up as your true self and saying, "This is me, with all my imperfections and strengths." And in doing so, you'll inspire others to do the same.
#6 PURSUE THY PASSIONS
Pursuing your passions is like tuning into the frequency of your true self. It’s about aligning your daily actions with what genuinely excites and inspires you.
Think about the times when you've been completely absorbed in something you love—whether it’s painting, writing, dancing, cooking, or even listening to a friend in need. Those moments of flow, where time seems to disappear, are a direct connection to your core essence. They’re indicators of what makes your soul sing and where your true passions lie.
When you follow your passions, it’s like you're following a little bread crumb of joy. It’s like a little lightbulb goes off and your brain says - ohhhhhhh, I remember this feeling. This is joy. I like this. I want to be doin more of this but work keeps getting in the way. Or after work I turn into a taxi driver for my kids and, yada yada yada with all the excuses of why we don’t make time for ourselves.
Pursuing your passions often leads you to discover your life’s purpose.
I’ll say that again in case you missed it. Pursuing your passions often leads you to discover your life’s purpose.
For me, pursuing my passion meant leaving a stable career as an occupational therapist to become a Reiki practitioner. It was a leap of faith and felt so cray to me, but it allowed me to align my work with my passion for healing and helping others at a much deeper level. This shift not only brought me immense personal satisfaction but also enabled me to live a more authentic life, which then led me to travel, and now this podcast where I can talk about whatever I want and be spiritual and weird and interesting, and hopefully inspire someone else to take those baby steps on their healing journey.
In conclusion 💜✨
Living authentically isn’t just a one-time decision; it’s a series of choices we make every day. It's about giving yourself permission to be who you really are, even when it feels uncomfortable or scary. Remember, your authenticity is your superpower. When you embrace it, you not only transform your own life but also inspire others to do the same.
So, here’s your call to action: Take a moment today to reflect on one area of your life where you feel you’re not being completely true to yourself. What small step can you take to bring more authenticity into that part of your life? Maybe it’s having an honest conversation, setting a boundary, or simply taking time to reconnect with your passions. Whatever it is, commit to making that change today.
